This Chair Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us

A year ago when I was looking for a nursing chair, I considered a recliner. I thought a recliner would be great because I could sleep in it at the end of my pregnancy when I couldn’t make it up to the 3rd floor bedroom and when I was too huge and uncomfortable besides to sleep in a bed with another person. And then it would be great for sleeping in with the baby on my chest (although you’re not supposed to do that because the baby could roll off you like a football and splat, next thing you know you’ve dropped your baby and everyone hates you) and snoozing in front of the news after supper.

But when I saw the recliner rockers at the department stores I couldn’t do it. They were so ugly. They were all either floral grandma style (the affordable ones) or leather executive style (the expensive ones). They were comfortable, yes. I had to be dragged out of many a recliner at The Bay one Saturday afternoon in my 5th month of pregnancy, already exhausted and proportioned much like Barbapappa . After weighing the choices I decided a glider would be better. Cleaner lines, smooth gliding action, soothing and – most importantly, for some reason – not upholstered. And I do love my glider. I bought it from the side of the road for cheap and it was clean and wood and had a padded seat and oh! the wonderful times I would have gliding. I glided a lot before the baby was born so that when he came out he would recognize the feel of the gliding and be soothed to sleep immediately.

My advice to any pregnant people who are weighing recliner vs. conventional rocker or glider: If you can afford it? Get the recliner. (Go to Value Village. You can afford it.) You are going to spend so much time in this chair you won’t even see it anymore, you will just stagger over to it and be absorbed by it. It will be an extension of your body. It won’t matter if it’s covered in cabbage roses, faux tapestry or green garbage bags. Does it recline? DONE.

Wooden rockers are nice. Gliders are delightful. (preferable to rockers, actually, if you have carpet because a rocker will travel across a carpeted floor and just when you think the baby’s asleep you’ll rock just one more rock and BOOM hit the wall with the back of the chair and BAM that baby’s awake again.) They are classic and elegant and they often come with history. That’s nice. And with a newborn, they’re perfect. Baby’s in the crook of your arm, the stars are in the night sky, hey wow parenthood is spectacular. Even with an older, reasonably sized baby who doesn’t require a lot of attention in the middle of the night, 20 minutes in the glider now and then and it’s back to the warm bed for you. But when the baby gets bigger and freakishly strong and resists sleep with every fibre of its being, when the baby starts making its own decisions re: how to cuddle (upside down, knee in your groin, pinching your neck and with your body contorted like a pretzel to accomodate it) you want something comfortable. You want something you can sleep in because you are never getting out of that chair. You want something with nice soft arms – for your own elbows and for the baby to whack its head against in case the baby you end up with has a tendency to flail and rear its head back suddenly. You want something that will embrace your sore, sad ligimentary situation and cushion instead of punish your ass. GET THE RECLINER. Who cares if it’s ugly. You will be ugly if you don’t because you will develop a hunch at the age of 33 and will walk around moaning, “Oh my bones,” but pretty soon no one you know will listen anymore and you’ll have to complain to the pretend people on the Internet.