The Order Has Been Disrupted

I was watching Beverly Hills 90210 this afternoon, an episode I remembered from the first time, 10 years ago. I title the episode: “America is Stupid” because it’s the one where Brenda, who is in France studying French while Kelly canoodles with Dylan back in BH, tricks a boy from Wisconsin into thinking she is a French Hottie by affecting The Worst French Accent Ever and the guy totally falls for it and slurps after her all over Paris. I think his name is “Neek” (Nick) and now that I am taking a minute to reflect, I might remember that at the end we all learn that he wasn’t fooled for a second and was only playing along to get in Brenda’s neekers but I don’t know what happened in the end for sure, why? Because halfway through, in the middle of a conversation between Steve (in an orange muscle shirt) and Dylan and Kelly (acting all casual but not fooling anyone) the tv went Blurp and suddenly I was watching Neon Rider. You know, the show with the guy with the ranch for troubled teens? and the horses for bonding? and the hair?

Not Okay. I mean, it’s bad that I’m watching TV at all on such a beautiful day and it’s even worse that I’m 32 years old watching BH 90210, especially such a horrible episode. But NO ONE wants to watch Neon Goddamn Rider. (and the preview said that at 4, instead of “Ellen” [which I do NOT watch]? It would be Due South. Did the CRTC get ahold of TVTropolis’s balls or what? If this is a permanent change, I will be writing letters, mark my words.)

However, while I was recovering from the abrupt change of scenery and trying to remember the name of the show, I was treated to the best cheesy car chase. Number one: soundtrack was Colin James singing “T for Trouble” from his self-titled debut album from 1987 (I think & am too lazy to fact check because you don’t care anyway). Number two: car chase started in the back alley behind Burnaby Street and Thurlow in the west end; continued over the Granville Street bridge and two or three scrreeeeeetches later they were at Hastings and Clark on the east side. If you’re not familiar with Vancouver, that’s like if you put a ham sandwich in your pants and then, two minutes later, it popped out of your ear, partially digested.