I’ve Got Nothing for You People

Home!
The catt is playing with a dusty peanut. Every once in a while he looks up from batting it across the floor and gives me a pitiful glance, like, “you won’t even play dusty peanut hockey with me? you bitch?” It can’t be helped. I promised myself I would get back on the cheesebloghorse and also right now I am trying to keep myself from eating a lot of food and going to sleep. We are going to the pool tonight to partake in water aerobics. I fully expect said aerobics to kick my ass. I have not had one lick of exercise since the last time we went to water aerobics, which was in September.

Work!
Now, I know everyone is a little bit incompetent at something. I am aware of my own faults and incompetencies. (They are many! And various!) Today was a remarkable day because I encountered nothing BUT incompetent people. A steady stream of them. And I’m sure some of them were having that day when all you encounter is bitchy people and I was one of that continuum. Whatev.er.

I will say only this: I was convinced that if I just had the time to do EVERYONE ELSE’S JOB, aside from me being more tired, everything would run a lot more smoothly.

The stupidest thing said to me today: “Are you really that big? Already?” (no. I am wearing a fake belly. for practice. would you like to pat it for luck?)

The second stupidest: “Wow, congratulations. You should give up caffeine. And carbs.”

Hahahahaha! Funny man! Breathe deeply and close your eyes while I prepare to punch you in the genitals.

Word!
Did you know that “mold” and “mould” are the same word? They both mean “to shape” and they both mean “icky fuzzy stuff that grows on tea cups and pineapple if you’re a filthy 20-something living with roommates for the first time.” I had NO idea until recently. I assumed one spelling went with one meaning but it’s really just another U.S/Britain thing.

Itch!
Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! I got a red Swingline stapler for Christmas and the Office Space Extra Special Boxed Set. Plus a new towel. And, for 2006, my itching came back. Let’s see, the last post about itching was….. back in July. The itching went away! I didn’t write about it because you don’t miss things like itching when they go away and so you don’t think about them anymore once they’re gone. Until they come back and you are tearing your own chin apart with your ungroomed fingernails and you think, “Hmm, this feels vaguely familiar, this scene, but when was it last played? And who was my leading man?” So it’s back but the rest of me also itches a great deal so I am focusing on lubing up well with Citrus Body Butter from the Body Shop.

News!
I had not noticed until this morning that the nefarious paper-thrusters took several weeks off during December. I noticed this morning because they, like the itching, had not been missed but today had returned to all the corners I encounter on my way to work. A tick in column “A for Awareness,” though; one of my co-workers who reads the 24 Hours paper on her daily commute (and actually has read it out loud to me on occasion and saved “articles” for my perusal,) said today, “You know? That 24 Hours paper is getting worse. There’s NOTHING in there at all.” Well praise be and pass the chips.

OK. Time to bounce around in the pool to dance music while the pro swimmers in their Speedos look on disparagingly.