Update + Warning

The rope ladder is still there. And the TV is still on. And it’s 12 hours later.

Incidentally, if CNN ever comes to your house & offers you a free turkey dinner, say no. We saw a “special report” last night exposing the dangers of turkey deep fryers and though we had taken their point about a minute in (specific amounts of specifically temperatured hot oil in a deep pot + whole, perhaps not completely defrosted turkey + drunken holiday cooks = GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!) they went on to do two further demonstrations: one in a controlled environment with a piece of wood behind the deep fryer which proceeded to catch on fire and then be put out (though with some difficulty) and a second at somebody’s house, I guess to show what it would look like outside the controlled environment, in case the television audience is too stupid (what am I saying?) to put together that the wood wall in the control is meant to be, you know, your back door. So they set up the fryer incorrectly on purpose outside someone’s house somewhere in America and they fill it with too much oil and they overheat it and then they toss in a giant turkey and fwoooom! there’s a big fireball and then the window blows out and the back door catches on fire! This is someone’s house! The “reporter” says, “We had the fire department standing by so that the damage was contained…” well whoop dee do, buddy, you still just set someone’s house on fire to demonstrate something we had already seen several times. Happy freaking thanksgiving to you, too.

I’m waiting for the “special report” on vicious dogs or serial killers. Those should be good.