I Need to Tell You Somethings!

1. There are ducks.

In the pool of water that decorates the building on the northwest corner of Thurlow and Melville Streets. There are two big ducks and many little ducks. Oh! The ducks.

2. It is raining.

Don’t drive so fast. You will slip and crash.

3. You can brush your tongue with your toothbrush.

It’s true: the toothbrush works for teeth or tongue. Or grout, or toenails, or the inside of your nose if you are so inclined. Last night I saw a commercial for the Colgate 360, a whole mouth solution! It features a toothbrush for brushing and a bumpy “tongue cleaner” (read: textured other side of the toothbrush) for scrubbing your tongue. Colgate asserts that “…its unique design is clinically proven to clean the teeth and tongue – a prime source of odor-causing bacteria.” Unique design nothing. Hell, you could get away with using a ballpoint pen, a piece of driftwood or a package of cigarettes (I’m thinking scraping, here) to clean your teeth and tongue and that would be both better than nothing and a unique tool.

At the dawn of time we began using toothbrushes for our teeth, because they work well – they are small (for mouths) and brushy (for teeth) and cheap (depending) and then one day in evolutionary history we made the crazy leap to brushing our tongues because, hey, they were right there in our mouths, growing bacteria and bad smells. So thanks, Colgate, but I refuse to consider that bumpy plastic could scrub my tongue better than bristles. Bristles that are, coincientally, right there on the toothbrush that I am already using.

I have been wishing upon my daily star that civilization’s great minds are working on solutions for my oral hygiene needs. At last: proof!

PS: A testimonial from the website:

“WOW – it felt wonderful to brush with the 360°™ toothbrush. I felt as if I was getting a massage on the inside of my mouth as the textured backside touched the inside of my cheeks.”

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3 Responses to I Need to Tell You Somethings!

  1. “Textured backside”…dear god. I thought you were joking, but no. Ho fatto fiasco!

  2. spark says:

    I don’t know about you-all, but when I read about textured backsides and the insides of cheeks, my mind does not go to teeth.

    Also, I saw traffic stopped at Thurlow and the alley between Pendrell and Davie by a goose the other day. A Canada Goose. It was just waddling across the street, and the cars had to wait for it. It made me very very happy.

  3. T says:

    I can sleep easy tonight knowing that your one wish of life is fulfilled.