Over the past few days I have rediscovered the joy of celery and peanut butter. I’m not a big celery eater but I am a big peanut butter eater and the combination makes me practically contort with joy.
Aside: Who here likes celery and peanut butter? Because I thought it was, y’know, universal, but when I mentioned it to Saint Aardvark, he-who-eats-stranger-things-than-your-pet-goat, (but watch your goat closely as when SA is hungry he’s really hungry) he made a grimacey face. The man puts peanut butter near his fried eggs! Fer cryin’ outside!
Anyway I ran out of celery today but had plenty of carrot sticks. What follows is a true account.
Co-worker A: I wonder what carrot sticks taste like with peanut butter.
Me: (mouth full of celery, gesturing at container of food)
Co-worker A: (takes carrot, swipes through peanut butter) Munch. Munch.
Me: (swallow) So? (taking carrot, swiping through peanutu butter) is it
Co-worker A: (gesturing wildly, face winched in pain) No! NO!
Me: (bite) mmm?
Me: (shaking head, alarmed) mmm. mmm hmmm. mmmmmmmwaaaaaaah.
Co-worker A: (chews madly, swallows, gasps) It’s okay at first but then.
Me: (swallows, gasps) but then – no
Co-worker A: then you get to the peanut butter.
Me: It’s wrong
Co-worker A: very wrong.
Co-worker A: Well, we did it in the name of science.
Me: Goddamned science.
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