How Far is Heaven? Not Far Enough.

I cannot look away from the 47th annual Grammy Awards. So much to learn. Apparently it is the 50th anniversary of Rock and Roll, Jimmy Page is disguised as a Asian? man, Los Lonely Boys (who?) just won an award for the aforementioned song about Heaven and later, Lynyrd Skynyrd is going to play.

My only concern is that I might not have enough wine.

Queen Latifah looks beautiful.

I heard somewhere today that this year’s awards weren’t going to have any nakedness. But I’m pretty sure I saw the pooty of Gwen Stefani. Naked hotty pooty.

And! I saw the tonsil of Alicia Keys. She’s really singing AND she sounds good, unlike the Black Eyed Peas and Maroon 5.

Listening to Alicia Keys and Jamie Foxx sing Georgia on My Mind made me google it. And that’s when I found 50 States dot Com, where each state has its own entry and you can look up all the state songs. Check out the state song of New Hampshire (the Granite State):

With a skill that knows no measure,
From the golden store of Fate
God, in His great love and wisdom,
Made the rugged Granite State;
Made the lakes, the fields, the forests;
Made the Rivers and the rills;
Made the bubbling, crystal fountains
Of New Hampshire’s Granite Hills.

Old New Hampshire, Old New Hampshire
Old New Hampshire Grand and Great
We will sing of Old New Hampshire,
Of the dear old Granite State

I’d listen to the MIDI but Bono is on about something. Didn’t U2’s drummer used to be really sexy? Do they have a replacement drummer?

What. Is. J-Lo. Wearing.

And why is there no subtitling in this duet between Jennifer and her “partner in song and in life” Marc Anthony? They are singing in Spanish. They could be relaying their favourite recipes for cheesecake and I wouldn’t know. Escapemano? Wha?

I wonder if the guy from Green Day will ever get an eyeliner endorsement deal. He deserves one.

Billie Joe Armstrong is Love God

Here is everything you need to know about “Sweet Home Alabama.” Apparently there are people who prefer “Free Bird.” I prefer Aimee Mann singing “Sweet Home Alabama” like she did in Vancouver a couple of years ago, but I suspect it will be a very chilly day in hell when she next appears at a Grammy show.

The official state song of Alabama contains this verse:

Where the perfumed south-wind whispers,
Thy magnolia groves among,
Softer than a mother’s kisses,
Sweeter than a mother’s song,
Where the golden jasmine trailing,
Woos the treasure-laden bee,
Alabama, Alabama, we will aye be true to thee!

Queen Latifah sings like a treasure-laden bee. Queen Latifah wins this whole night. The End.

PS: Ricky Martin: “It took me 15 years to become an overnight sensation. But it’s OK. It’s not about my sensations, it’s about the sensations of other people.”

PPS: and plus, Alicia Keys won an award and she’s wearing a dress like the one J-Lo was wearing…all low cut and pretty on the top and then a big wide sash around the waist & hips, and enough material flowing to the ground so’s it’s like curtains.

PPPS: Coming up? A Janis Joplin tribute and a Tsunami Aid sing-a-long.