In His Own Words

I decided to interview Trombone today because we are both sitting on the couch and he is going to sleep. I do not want him to go to sleep because if he naps, he will be up until all hours tonight. Then, his brother wakes him up at 5:30 am and in the morning? The two children who were up till 9 and rose at 5:30? Are INSUFFERABLE. That is what happened last night / this morning and whoah nelly, it was bad.

I know I complain about this a lot. Sometimes, it is all I can do. Sorry.


Trombone: How many minutes till it’s treat time, Mommy?
Me: I dunno. Half an hour?
Trombone: Seven minutes.
Me: Uh, no. What are you going to have for your treat?
T: Um. Maybe some ice cream? Or a freezie.
Me: Mm. Freezies.

T: You can ask me some more questions.
Me: What do you think I should ask you?
T: What about if I tell you all my favourite things.
Me: OK.
T: My favourite superhero is Iron Man. I love riding my bike. Sometimes playing with my friends, J and T. Sometimes J likes T better than me. Now why don’t you tell me all of your favourites. I guess — ponies.
Me: I do like ponies. I also like reading. And I like writing. And I —
T: Do you like going on vacations?
Me: Yeah
T: Me too.
Me: Where would you like to go on a vacation?
T: (thinks) Mexico. Maybe Mexico.
Me: What do you think it would be like?
T: I think it would be lots of tropical islands and, um, it would be really sunny and hot.
Me: What would you do there?
T: I would just lie on the beach and maybe swim in the water.
Me: That sounds fun.
T: —
Me: We should go to Mexico.
T: —

Me: Ummmmmm. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?
T: A superhero. That’s the only thing I want to be. Only thing. And I can make up my own Justice League.
Me: What would your power be?
T: Well, I would actually be the ruler. And I would be Superman, because I think he is the real ruler. He has soldiers to fight crime.
Me: …What if you couldn’t be a superhero, what would you be?
T: I would be a giant. A GIANT.

Me: What do you like better, dogs or cats?
T: I like dogs better.
Me: How come?
T: (yawns) Cause…there’s a Superdog. And I have a dog costume. Maybe next year, Fresco can be Superdog for Halloween. Wearing his Supercape (sings) Ba ba baaaaaa!
Me: What else would you like to tell me about yourself?
T: When I’m SuperTrombone, my power is strength. I can lift a whole planet with one tiny pinky. I know it would take a hundred men. But I can do it. Only one person and a pinky. I wouldn’t need any help. Maybe a little help from SuperFresco. He’s my sidekick.
Me: Nice.

T: But now I’m pretending to be Batman.
Me: Uh huh.
T: (gets up from his side of the couch and rubs my leg)
Me: What?
T: Just your leg looks so smooth from over there. (looks over my shoulder) that all the words I’m saying?
Me: Yup.
T: My favourite books that aren’t comics are Captain Underpants books.
Me: Hmmm. What do you like about them?
T: Cause the bad guys have funny names. And so does Captain Underpants.
Me: Is ‘underpants’ a funny word?
T: Heh heh. Maybe.

Me: What do you think I could do better as a mom?
T: I think you could give me candy all day.
Me: All day?
Me: What do you like about candy?
T: That it’s sweet and it tastes yummy.
Me: That’s the best.
T: Yummy yummy yummy. You’re the yummiest mommy I ever had.
Me: Thanks.

T: I have a Justice League movie.
Me: And is it good?
T: Yes it is. It’s really good. And it has guns in it.
Me: How come there are guns?
T: Cause there’s a war.
Me: Oh. Who wins the war?
T: The superheroes.
Me: Of course. How do they win? Do they shoot guns?
T: No, they do not. Well, the soldiers put their guns down. And then there’s a giant robot? And then, he stops wanting to fight the superheroes when they put their guns down.
Me: So they stop fighting and the war stops?
T: Yes. That’s exactly right.
Me: Do you think that would work in real life?
T: I don’t know. Lower your weapons!
Me: What weapons?
T: Your brain. Put your brain into your body! Lower it!
Me: Uhh
T: There. I took it out and smashed it into your body. It’s in your body now, not in your head.
Me: Uhhhh
T: Ha ha! I win the war!

The End.

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