Pants

I like it when people use pants in a derogatory fashion, like “your new haircut is pants,” or “Gordon Campbell’s attempt to erase the last four years of assholery by reducing our sales tax by half a percent is PANTS!”

But of course I do like pants. I wear them almost every day. So how can I have only two pairs of pants, both black? I like them both but I will get a reputation if I continue to wear black pants every day. I need: chocolate brown corduroy pants, plaid pants (this is my first fall without plaid pants and it is proving harder than I expected), maybe some grey pants and also I need to hem the left leg of my awesome pinstriped pants because the alligator clip that was holding the hem up got lost in the laundry and now one leg is substantially longer than the other.

It was easier when I couldn’t afford more than one pair of pants.

But look: coloured money! Available at a Bank of Tim Horton’s near you, and later, at an actual bank, where money belongs.

Why do we need coloured coins? (Why are they at Timmy’s is a question for another post) I agree that we should commemorate our veterans and our fallen soldiers each and every day and hey! we could concentrate our efforts on creating fewer veterans and fallen soldiers, while we’re at it, but I just don’t understand the logic of spending money to make fancy coins. All those art coins from a few years ago and the provincial coins from more years ago and the updated picture of the queen – all that spoozle really annoyed me. C’mon! It’s money. It’s meant to pass through your hands quickly, allowing you to have the things in life that you require and desire. You’re not meant to hold onto it, fondle it, save it, take it out of its fancy storage and gaze at it lovingly. Not the actual coinage, anyway. RRSPs aren’t made of coins. Nor is ING, though I recommend them heartily for your orange savings and loan.

I think I will put every poppy quarter I get in a special piggy bank and when I have enough poppy quarters (so hard not to type “poopy quarters,” yet another post), I will buy the best pants in the world. They will be year-round pants, not just for November or summer or International Pants Month (no, there isn’t one, but there is no pants day, May 7). And every time I wear them, I will think generally good thoughts about veterans and soldiers and ordinary people and all of you, too. Even you who like Tim Horton’s coffee.