When your child has never been outside the city limits, you don’t need toys or amusements for the first 30 minutes of a road trip. He will just look out the window at the trees. And the other cars on the highway. And the mountains. And then you will talk about mountains for a while and how they look pointy at the top in pictures but really they’re not, you can stand on them. Drive vehicles up them, even. Really. I am NOT LYING, kid.
Fresco counted the trees as we went. Apparently it is as good as counting sheep.
I don’t know if we’ll get away with this again on our next trip in just under three weeks time (eeek alors!) as we will be on the same highway and the trees will be, well, the same, but maybe. Just maybe.
Less Than Awesome Parts of Our Vacation
– The Sleep.
I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in several nights leading up to the trip so I was already exhausted to the point of pain and nausea. The kids were out of their element and routine and heads. Out of their heads. We had one room for me and them; two queen beds and a playpen for Fresco that he has slept in before but which he claimed was frosted with tarantula tentacles. So: Trombone slept in one big bed and Fresco and I in the other.
We are not a co-sleeping family. I have always maintained that the kids sleep better in their own beds and they do. But this was a motel. Not their own beds. I get why they were so freaked out but I was so tired I wanted to put them in a closet. Fresco draped over my neck like a giant, limp cat. Trombone moaning and groaning in his sleep. At least now I know what it will be like when they share a room. Hopefully I will still have my own.
The next day it was better and the next two nights Fresco slept in the playpen. But he still woke up at 5:45, stood up like a rocket in a launcher and shouted “It’s WAKE UP TIME!” each morning. Like a rooster.
And now that we are home, he keeps saying he wants to sleep with me and is fighting his naps like a .. fighting rooster. He’ll probably be back on schedule by the time we’re ready to fuck it up again in just under 3 weeks time (eeek alors!)
– Getting Lost In Naramata
Naramata is the size of my kitchen. It is a hamlet. We were going to a family barbeque. It was supposed to be held at a family member’s house but their house had no water and also it had been raining all day so the family members moved it to the Friendship Centre. Only they called the Friendship Centre the “Old Pensioner’s Hall” and gave us driving directions that involved no street addresses. We drove right past it and then asked at three motels, the third of which directed us to the Community Centre, the employee of which directed us back across the tiniest little bridge to the Friendship Centre, which we had driven past 20 minutes earlier. It sounds like a lot of driving but imagine all of this taking place in a Lego Universe and you have the right scale.
– Dinner at Denny’s.
OK, the waitress had 14 people to serve. One of the guests has early altzheimer’s and kept reaching for every plate that went by. Five of the guests have hearing aids. Two of the guests are under 5 years old. But should it take 90 minutes to get your food at Denny’s? Especially if you’re TWO YEARS OLD and all you ordered was a plate of reheated chicken nuggets and you ordered it with the drinks?
No. No it should not. And if you are the caretaker of that overtired, starving two year old, you will hold a grudge against Denny’s for the rest of your bitter days. I had to sacrifice a lot of my ice cubes and sugar packets while we waited for those fucking nuggets.
– Being too Tired to Stay Up and Walk on the Beach
We were right across the street from the beach. We had a big patio overlooking the beach. We sat on it and watched people walk on the beach and then dragged our sorry asses to bed because 5:45 AM comes earllllly.
– Being Allergic to Something on the Patio
Every time I went on the patio to watch the people walking on the beach, I stopped being able to breathe through my nose. Antihistamine took care of it.
Awesome Things About our Vacation
– I got to drive for 2 hours alone because the kids wanted to ride in their grandparents’ car.
– The beach in the rain is still the beach.
– Our motel suite – an apologetic upgrade after the motel lost our reservation – was bigger than Naramata.
– Hell, the TV was bigger than Naramata.
– On our last day there, the sun shone brightly and we went swimming and the lake was cold and wonderful and then we bought ice cream from the giant peach on the beach and ate it on our patio and watched people walk by.
– My aunt and uncle have been married for 50 years and a lot of people came to see them renew their vows.
– The church where they did this had a very well stocked nursery for the children to play in.
– My kids were the youngest and all the older kids loved them and taught them things like peace signs and secret handshakes.
– Cake.
– The portable DVD player that my neighbour lent me just in time for our trip. On the way there, I used it to play CDs during my 2 hours of solitude through the mountains. On the way back, I put on a DVD for Trombone and he fell asleep.
– Cherries.
– Family. Three aunts, three uncles, my parents, four cousins, a bunch of sub-cousins, some old extended relative who recognized me from the last time she saw me, which was when I was 2.
– Coming home.
Obviously Not Watching Ghostbusters
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