It’s a Slow Turning

Acronyms. I always thought acronyms existed so that we could make cumbersome words cute. If the cumbersome words don’t shorten to a cute word, well, there’s no point in acronymizing them. Ugly is ugly.

How wrong I was. How young, how hopeful and how wrong.

The company I am working for loves acronyms with a passion I am certain is dangerous and must have its own entry in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). They acronym their departments, their job titles and all their many Forms in all their many forms. After ten (10) days working there, I believe they will acronym me and I am sort of okay with that, because I’m cute. But none of their acronyms is cute. IPT. HECS. WHA. Really, WHA.

So I think there should be a new rule in the world. This new rule should state: Any long, cumbersome collection of words (LCCW) can be acronymied to a shorter collection of words (SCCW) provided that the SCCW is cuter than the alternate method of expressing the LCCW.

For example, Long, cumbersome collection of words could also be shortened to: Locuco words. That’s cute. Or you could say: Cucumber. That’s about as easy to learn as an acronym. Yeah, it’s kind of subjective. But I will take responsibility for enforcing the new rule. I don’t mind.

I’m not as bitter as I was last Wednesday, when, after three days of trying to understand the language people were speaking around me it has to be English – doesn’t it? I’m pretty sure it’s not French. Those are the two official languages of Canada. Oh and Psychlo. But that wouldn’t happen here, would it? Ack! Now I’ve missed another crucial sentence! Nod. Smile. Drink coffee. Smile. Mouth closed: don’t let them see the coffee stains on your teeth. I was ready to tattoo F.U.C and K on my knuckles and wait for someone to ask what it stood for. But today I used three acronyms in a row and, in that way you feel proud when you do something you just learned and you’re not quite sure if you’re using it right ( Did you ask the HECS about the IPT?) I felt quite a warm glow when the person with whom I thought I was communicating indicated to me that yes, in fact, I had successfully expressed what I had hoped to express.

I’m sure my pal brevity will be back with us in a few days. She’s just gone for a soda.

Overheard on the skytrain today:

I’m going to the arts centre this weekend.
Oh? What’s going on there?
It’s a peace-flag making workshop.
Really! Then you can watch the tap dancing, too!