One Year Later

Computer: Owwwwwww.
Me (pause typing): What is it?
Computer: It hurrrrts…
Me: What hurts?
Computer: Everythinnnnnnng.
Me (sighing, kind of sick of whiners): Well, have a rest, then.
…..
…..
……
Me: OK it’s been a few minutes, you can boot now.
Computer: …
me: Helllllooooooooo?
Computer: …
Me: Oh you do NOT do this to me again. Not after last year. A new OS, a new power adapter, a new copy of iLife – I PAID MONEY FOR SOMETHING CALLED “iLIFE”!
Computer (weakly): Hmmmmm?
Me (panting, slightly sweaty): How are you feeling?
Computer: Chaise lounge!
Me: What?
Computer: Splendido sauces for noodle monkey!
Me: Shit.
Computer: No pasa. No pasa.
Me: Shit shit shit shit shit.
Computer (singing): A long, long time ago…and I can still remember…how that music used to make me smiiiiiiiillllllle…
Me: I guess I’d better order that Dell.
Computer (stops singing): What? Me? I’m fine. Fiiine. Just a little, erm, warm tortilla? Toenails a little crunchy. Um, what I mean to say, because of the ice cream…but I don’t have your mail, though. Sorry about that. No mail here.
Me: You are not fine. You make me nervous. I’m ordering a new laptop. (typing)
Computer: nooooooooooo! No web browser for youuuuuuuuu….

(If I am missing from the Internet for a while, it is because I am having to record my thoughts on a pad of paper until the new, (as yet, unordered, shhhh) laptop arrives from its magical fairyland birthplace. And no, friends, it will not be another Mac because a) I cannot afford to support the Volkswagan of Computers until I am getting a paycheque, b) for what I’m using it for, the Dell with the Ubuntu on it will be just fine.)