Gonna Rock your Body!

Wednesday is the day of new Free Will Astrology horoscopes. Mine says:

Aquarian singer Justin Timberlake suffered a temporary blow to his reputation last November. Speaking to ABC-TV’s Diane Sawyer, his ex-lover Britney Spears implied that he is under-endowed in a part of his anatomy that most men take very seriously. It didn’t take long for Timberlake’s grandmother to come to his defense. “I helped raise him, and I can assure you that there’s nothing wrong with him physically,” 70-year-old Sadie Bomar told the press. I predict you will soon undergo a similar fall and redemption, Aquarius. Start rounding up the allies you will want to testify in your behalf.

OMG: Justin is an Aquarian! That explains so much.

I can’t decide which is worse: being the dancing monkey for McDonald’s or being Madonna’s ticket back to the top 40. (Luckily, this is not a decision I need to make.) See, McDonald’s is bad, but it’s always been bad. Madonna used to be good and now she’s like the trench-coated guy in the playground who just stands there, watching you play. And you wonder if he is someone’s dad, or if he’s a pervert, or if he’s just lost in thought or maybe having some sort of seizure.

Madonna and Britney in the terrifying playground that is Me Against the Music is a similarly creepy and embarassing experience. Whether Madonna is following the ass, the association, or the credit for having made it OK to be a Really Sexy Woman in music, it’s obvious that she is chasing her own tail and pretty soon Brit’s just gonna duck around a corner and hope Madonna keeps going.

Now, of course there is room for people older than 22 in the music industry. I don’t think Madonna should go away and leave her fame behind for us to pick at. (I do think she should never make another movie. No. Just say no to her.) But I don’t think she needs to beg for the table scraps of someone else’s fame. For someone who has made her mark as a revolutionary, riding the Britney Pony to get to her fifth? sixth? wind makes Madonna seem awfully lazy.

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