Feel the Mist as Your Breath Hits the Air

Last year around this time I completed a 10 week running program and discovered that I could run 30 minutes without stopping. It was very exciting. Then with moving back downtown and winter and spring and the excitement of summer arriving, well, turns out I ran for 30 minutes without stopping and then stopped for 12 months.

This was especially stupid because when we lived in Burnaby it was a huge pain in the ass to run for 30 minutes on account of the geography. There are many, many hills in Burnaby. I would run for a bit on a nice flat stretch of road and then come around a corner and be scaling a concrete mountain. Then I would collapse and pant for an hour. I realize hill training is important for runners but I am not a runner, per se; I am someone who likes to work up a good sweat in 30 minutes and then get on with my day.

Now, moving back downtown had very little to do with wanting to be nearer to non-inclined roads but I did consider as I packed my running shorts into a cardboard box last October that there is the seawall downtown (or the other seawall, or the otherother seawall) and they tend to be quite flat and quite soft on the feet. Part of me did say, Hmm. Perhaps when I am downtown again, I will run more often.

Apparently, the other part of me said, Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Sucker!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I realized I was morphing into a big slug with hair and decided it was time to get my sweat on again. Because 30C weather is a great time to re-start a running regime, I hauled out of bed one morning and took off to the Coal Harbour seawall.

As an aside, about 20 years ago, my favourite song in the world was “Runner” by Manfred Mann. I was deeply inspired by this song because of its repetitive beat and lyrics and, of course, the melodrama. My love affair with cheezy rock started very young.

I used to call radio stations and request “Runner” but they would never play it. It inhabited my head, though, like a patch of windowsill mould that keeps growing back even though you destroy it regularly with bleach. I would sing “Runner” to people over the years but they always shook their heads, sad to disappoint, because they had never heard it. Kind of like the “Potato Salad” sketch by The Kids in the Hall. Hardly anybody believes it exists though I can enact the whole thing, including the sideways camera and Bruce McCulloch’s floral dress. Yes, I can enact a floral dress. So?

Today was my fourth morning run. I took the seawall east from the Aquatic Centre to Yaletown. Though I expected the other people on the seawall in Yaletown to be snobby and to throw their decaffrappulattes at me in disgust because I run in sweatpants that I cut off myself with kitchen scissors, actually more people said good morning to me than on the west-bound seawall (two days ago) or through the streets of the west end (last thursday) or on Coal Harbour seawall. (a week ago Tuesday) I sang “Runner” to myself under my slightly laboured breath and no one gave me a second glance.

That was all background so that I could share the following:

1. The first person I encountered on the street this morning offered me a copy of Awake magazine. This is the second time a Jehovah’s Witness has offered me stuff while I’ve been out for a run.

2. However, on my way home to clean up before going to work, I passed a slew of free newspaper monkeys and not one of them gave me the time of day. Must’ve been my sweaty neck. Did you know necks can sweat? I swear, the front of my neck sweats. I think that’s weird.

3. I ran past a dumpster upon which was written in Sharpie, “Hey man, if you piss here I will f*ck up your head.”

4. I also ran past a businessman getting out of his car in Yaletown, across from Urban Fare, who farted so loud into the still morning air I thought the terrorists had won.

5. During my “walk” segment of the run (I’m walking 2 minutes, running 3, repeating 6 times) I passed a construction worker smoking a cigarette who hollered, “There’s a smart woman! Good for you!” I waved at him. I’m unsure whether I am smart because, well, I AM smart or because I was walking not running or perhaps because I was walking instead of sleeping or whether it’s some sort of re-programming for construction workers and this is phase two, where they still holler at women but they comment on intelligence instead of physical attributes and/or mating potential.

To close, here is a random picture I came across while looking for something else. I feel like I know this guy. But I’m quite sure I do not know him at all, merely 20 or so people who look like him.