{"id":882,"date":"2007-08-15T05:16:37","date_gmt":"2007-08-15T13:16:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=882"},"modified":"2007-08-15T05:16:37","modified_gmt":"2007-08-15T13:16:37","slug":"it-worked-for-the-windows","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=882","title":{"rendered":"It Worked for the Windows"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When I first returned to work I wrote a <a href=\"http:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=868\"> wee poem<\/a> about keeping the skytrain windows shut in warm weather.  The NEXT DAY I noticed the windows were shut and they stayed so for a couple of weeks at least.  Yesterday, before we had to evacuate our train due to a drunk or high teenager vomiting on it, I noticed that the windows are now printed with &#8220;AIR CONDITIONED CAR.  OPEN ONLY FOR EMERGENCY VENTILATION.&#8221;  The <i>air conditioned car<\/i> part is new. (unsure as to whether teenager vomit warrants emergency ventilation.)<\/p>\n<p>Screw democratic process: it appears I can influence public policy with my psychic powers!<\/p>\n<p>                        *********************************************<\/p>\n<p>Sirs.<br \/>\nYour genitals are on the outside of your body,<br \/>\nI know<br \/>\nyou have fierce natures that require you protect them from the world,<br \/>\nI know<br \/>\nyou want, perhaps, to perpetuate your species<br \/>\nthat is to say<br \/>\ncontinue<br \/>\nthat is to say<br \/>\nkeep screwing the ladies<br \/>\n[and the men]<br \/>\nwith your very<br \/>\nimportant<br \/>\ngenitals<br \/>\nI know.<\/p>\n<p>the seats on this bus are not big enough<br \/>\nfor your package!<br \/>\nyes, yes, you are too big<br \/>\nso big<br \/>\nwonderfully big<br \/>\nTOO BIG<br \/>\nfor this two-seat to allow<br \/>\nyou<br \/>\nyour genitals<br \/>\nand me<br \/>\nequal space<\/p>\n<p>I respectfully suggest &#8211; unless your genitals pay their own fare &#8211;<br \/>\nyou keep your legs together<br \/>\nyou know<br \/>\nthe way <i>they<\/i> suggest we <i>ladies <\/i> do<br \/>\nso that I may rest my entire buttock<br \/>\nupon this seat, rather than perching upon one<br \/>\nand bruising my tailbone<br \/>\nand compromising my own reproductive ability<br \/>\nto boot.<\/p>\n<p>yes.  my genitals are on the inside.<br \/>\nbut they still matter!<\/p>\n<p>sirs.<br \/>\nif you are overweight, I forgive you.<br \/>\nif you are disabled, it&#8217;s all right.<br \/>\nif you are 15 and masturbating in those giant pants<br \/>\nwell<br \/>\nwhat can I do about that<br \/>\nbut as for the rest of you<br \/>\nwho seem intent on taking more than your fair share<br \/>\nyou who probably steal the covers<br \/>\nand who probably pass on the right on the highway (another poem, another day)<br \/>\nstep one<br \/>\nclose your goddamn legs<br \/>\nstep two<br \/>\nlose the aftershave<br \/>\nstep three<br \/>\nyou&#8217;re not as important as you think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I first returned to work I wrote a wee poem about keeping the skytrain windows shut in warm weather. The NEXT DAY I noticed the windows were shut and they stayed so for a couple of weeks at least. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=882\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-882","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-public-transit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=882"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}