I looked at the calendar just now and realized I’m not on maternity leave anymore. 52 calendar weeks have passed since I began my official maternity leave and I am now on vacation time.<\/p>\n
This explains why I woke up with “Margaritaville” <\/a>in my head.<\/p>\n Actually I woke up feeling as though I had spent last night drinking margaritas but it’s just a sinus headache because yes we have another cold at our house. Trombone even had a fever, some throwing up (unrelated to the illness – related to how fast he shoves avocado down his throat) and some general grumpiness around the whole idea of Father’s Day which proves that he is my son because I always get sick on holidays too.<\/p>\n What I did <\/b>do last night was watch the first episode of Age of Love,<\/a> aka “More Tripe We Shouldn’t Encourage By Watching.” The premise, in case you are deathly afraid to click any links in my blog and I totally don’t blame you, is that a nice, handsome, tennis-pro man (age: 30) with a puppy (age: puppy) is looking for love on a reality show. He has 13 women to choose from; half in their 40s and half in their 20s. WHO WILL HE CHOOSE? It is to vomit. I know. Saint Aardvark was sitting next to me on the couch shaking his head sadly while he read things on his laptop. But I have a sickness. I HAVE to see these things or I don’t believe they’re real.<\/p>\n I mean, not really <\/i> real; I know the tripe is scripted. But really, actually on television. Out in the world with its bare face hanging out, self-respect shoved like a used tissue in the front pocket of too-tight jeans.<\/p>\n It is and I saw it and I don’t think I’ll be able to do it again unless I am struck ill every monday all summer long. So much hair-flipping and casual desperation and cleavage, everywhere the cleavage.<\/p>\n Speaking of cleavage. The kind of sad thing about everyone being sick is that up till Saturday I was right on schedule weaning Trombone. I’ve been gradually giving him fewer breastfeeds during the day with my plan being to nurse him twice a day when I’m back at work: morning and night. But after the barfing and the snotting and the fever and the crying, and because it just made sense, over the weekend we went back to almost 5 or 6 feeds a day. This is not sad because I hate breastfeeding – I love breastfeeding – it is sad because my milk supply had diminished appropriately, my breasts were deflating to a reasonable size and I was going to go buy a couple of normal bras and now I must wait. I have the feeling that when all is said and done I will be one of those women whose breasts end up smaller than before she got pregnant.<\/p>\n I understand about underwire now. As a small-breasted woman for most of my life I have bought bras with underwire because it’s easier than trying to buy one without. But now that my breasts, when they are empty of milk, are such lovely petites madeleines,<\/a> <\/i>I can see how a properly fitted underwire would be useful for the perking and propping. Surely the right bra could make me go from looking 40s to looking 20s in a catt-fight minute!<\/p>\n It is beliefs like these that sets me up for angry live-blogging from the fitting room but I can’t help it. I believe. <\/p>\n And now “You’re A Superstar” by Love, Inc. <\/a> is playing and I must go demonstrate Pride Parade float dancing for Trombone. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I looked at the calendar just now and realized I’m not on maternity leave anymore. 52 calendar weeks have passed since I began my official maternity leave and I am now on vacation time. This explains why I woke up … Continue reading
![petites madeleines,<\/a> <\/i>I can see how a properly fitted underwire would be useful for the perking and propping. Surely the right bra could make me go from looking 40s to looking 20s in a catt-fight minute!<\/p>\nIt is beliefs like these that sets me up for angry live-blogging from the fitting room but I can’t help it. I believe. <\/p>\nAnd now “You’re A Superstar” by Love, Inc. <\/a> is playing and I must go demonstrate Pride Parade float dancing for Trombone. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I looked at the calendar just now and realized I’m not on maternity leave anymore. 52 calendar weeks have passed since I began my official maternity leave and I am now on vacation time. This explains why I woke up … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-860","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-television","category-trombone"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/860","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=860"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/860\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=860"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=860"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=860"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}](\"http:r\/\/iunsean.hautetfort.com\/images\/medium_madeleine.jpg\"){kind=link}