{"id":341,"date":"2004-12-26T13:47:12","date_gmt":"2004-12-26T21:47:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=341"},"modified":"2004-12-26T13:47:47","modified_gmt":"2004-12-26T21:47:47","slug":"shake-your-coconuts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=341","title":{"rendered":"Shake your Coconuts!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have sinusitis.  It&#8217;s curable!  In 14 days, hopefully sooner, I will begin to feel the effects of antibiotics on my Nefarious Bacterium and its evil offspring, Blinding Headache.  It&#8217;s a good thing sinusitis is curable because I have exhausted every pain killer on the market as well as performing every home remedy, voodoo ritual and snot dance imaginable.  But the learning opportunities have been terrific.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.torturedpotato.com\/legwarmers.jpg\"> <strong>*<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Kleenex (r) brand tissue actually is better than t&#8217;other kind.  Mom gave me a whole box as a pre-Christmas gift and I swear to god if you could make bedding out of this stuff, I would be <b>so<\/b> in. <\/li>\n<li>If you take enough of it, even Tylenol stops working.  BUT doubling your usual dose of Ibuprofren, food of the gods, will dull the pain enough to allow sleep.<\/li>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.torturedpotato.com\/duck_kleenex2.jpg\"><strong>**<\/strong><\/p>\n<li>When you have no sense of taste or smell, Christmas dinner (and all other kinds of dinner) becomes veritably Twinkie-like, where a Twinkie represents something that looks tasty but is not discernably different in flavour from any other food.<\/li>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.torturedpotato.com\/duck_fly.jpg\"><\/p>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cnn.com\/2004\/HEALTH\/12\/23\/meth.cold.medicine.ap\/\"> Pseudoephedrine<\/a> not only makes me high; the morning after, it (combined with Aspirin) makes my nose bleed so that my parents&#8217; bathroom resembles a lost scene from Kill Bill Vol. 1. <\/li>\n<li> Aspirin can cause nose bleeds.<\/li>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.torturedpotato.com\/timmys.jpg\"><\/p>\n<li>Our family and friends are so awesome.  We were blessed with gifts and laughter and chocolate and venison pepperettes from Ontario and Sheridan&#8217;s liqueur.   <a href=\"http:\/\/www.saintaardvarkthecarpeted.com\/blog\"> Saint aardvark<\/a> and I agreed that if I stopped whining he would stop threatening to put me down (and telling his family on the phone of his plans&#8230;)  So I went and listened to the Led!  Zeppelin!  Boxed!  Set!  he gave me for Christmas.  And all became well. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>(Zeppelin!  Wooooo!)<br \/>\n* yes, those are legwarmers. Yes, it is 2004.<br \/>\n** yes, that is a duck puppet. Yes, another one.  Yes, it belongs to me.  No, my nose did not bleed on it.  My nose knows which lines not to cross.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have sinusitis. It&#8217;s curable! In 14 days, hopefully sooner, I will begin to feel the effects of antibiotics on my Nefarious Bacterium and its evil offspring, Blinding Headache. It&#8217;s a good thing sinusitis is curable because I have exhausted &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=341\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=341"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}