![\"\"](\"http:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/effyou.jpg\" "\\"November.")
<\/a><\/p>\nFuck you. Seriously.<\/p>\n
It wasn’t enough to start the month with two kids with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, a time change, and a smack-tonne of rain. You had to give me a 13-day headache, neck spasms, a head cold, four canker sores, and my period.<\/p>\n
Fine, one of those things would have happened anyway. BUT COME ON.<\/p>\n
I tried, November. You know I don’t hold a grudge against you, like some people. I wrote a novel during you, once. I wrote a blog post a day, one year. This year, just to be funny, I wrote a post about how to survive you. It was just supposed to be a cute post. It wasn’t meant to be a challenge. You ass.<\/p>\n
This morning, when I woke up, my head didn’t hurt. At first I thought I was probably dead. I spent an hour in the middle of the night listening to it throb and wondering if that doctor I saw last week was wrong and maybe I do have a tumour the size of Shangri-La pressing on my whatchimasomethings. But no — I was not dead, my head was attached, and yet I did not feel much pain. <\/p>\n
No fool, I sat up very slowly. Still, it didn’t hurt. I stood up — ah, there it was. My old friend, Spike In the Brain. But when I moved around, the pain kind of … faded, instead of intensifying. <\/p>\n
I actually felt better. <\/p>\n
Holy fucking hallellujah and pass the beans. <\/p>\n
I have made it through six hours of my day without taking a muscle relaxant, an ibuprofen, an excedrin, let alone several of each. I have not heated up my magic bag once, let alone every fifteen minutes. I can sit here and type this which, frankly, is a miracle. I haven’t been able to sit at my computer for longer than 10 minutes in days. <\/p>\n
Why don’t you want me to write, November? What do you think I’ll tell the world? THAT YOU’RE AN ASS? <\/p>\n
Your parting shot this morning, where we arrived home from walking Trombone to school and my key stuck in the lock and I couldn’t get it out so I had to take the deadbolt off the door and then I couldn’t get it back on for two hours and it was freezing cold and I had to keep my neck bent the whole time? Nice touch. But I still win.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because tomorrow it will be December.<\/p>\n
Don’t the door hit you on the way out, November. I’m done being nice to you. Next year I’m going to Belize.<\/p>\n
Yrs in readiness,
\nClara<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear November 2011, Fuck you. Seriously. It wasn’t enough to start the month with two kids with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, a time change, and a smack-tonne of rain. You had to give me a 13-day headache, neck spasms, … Continue reading