{"id":2393,"date":"2010-12-13T14:16:21","date_gmt":"2010-12-13T22:16:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=2393"},"modified":"2010-12-13T14:16:21","modified_gmt":"2010-12-13T22:16:21","slug":"the-eight-stages-of-sleep-deprivation-and-one-action-item","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=2393","title":{"rendered":"The Eight Stages of Sleep Deprivation (and One Action Item)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Fresco woke up at 5:30 this morning. Trombone at 5:45. We ignored them until 6:30. <\/p>\n<p>Stage 1 Anger: Holy shit what is WRONG with these children are they sick? Are they trying to destroy me?  It&#8217;s not even six AM FOR GOD&#8217;S SAKE.  And now I&#8217;m too pissed off to go back to sleep, even with a pillow over my head.  Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.<\/p>\n<p>Stage 2 Acceptance: Fine. I&#8217;ll get up. Why not. My head hurts anyway. Why does my head hurt?  Because it&#8217;s morning. Because I&#8217;m evil. Who knows. Stupid headache. Whatever. Go downstairs, drink some coffee.<\/p>\n<p>Stage 3 Grumpiness: Where&#8217;s the coffee. Don&#8217;t talk to me. Where&#8217;s the motherfucking coffee. My head hurts. What do you mean I have to bend over to take something out of the fridge so I can get the milk to put in my coffee. Our fridge SUCKS. Where&#8217;s the ibuprofen?<\/p>\n<p>Stage 4 Caffeination (and ibuprofenation, in this case): My headache is gone!  I feel human!  I love you!  I am going to write a blog post!<\/p>\n<p>Stage 5 Contentment: The children are so overtired and equally high-needs, yet I am so calm.  How amazing am I.  It&#8217;s because I got some time to myself before they got up.  I should get up an hour earlier every day. <\/p>\n<p>Stage 6 Realism: As if. It is really damn dark at 5:30 am. You&#8217;ve tried this before.  You&#8217;ve failed. It ain&#8217;t happening.<\/p>\n<p>Stage 7 Bargaining: I could take a coffee maker to my bedroom. And set my alarm for 5:30. I would surely get out of bed if there was coffee *right there*.  Or maybe I could just take the kettle upstairs.  I could have tea.  I could have a teapot full of tea. And watch the sun rise over the mountains. Wouldn&#8217;t that be a nice ritual?  I would have to go to bed at, like, 8:15, but that&#8217;s OK.  I could do that.  I would get so much done.<\/p>\n<p>Stage 8 Depression: Now it is noon. All the coffee is gone from my blood, the children are still overtired, they probably won&#8217;t nap and I might just pass out and drive into a pole. <\/p>\n<p>I guess that would be a problem. But I might end up in a coma.  A coma is sleep, right?<\/p>\n<p>Oh, that&#8217;s in such poor taste.  I am sorry, people in comas.<\/p>\n<p>Now I have to add &#8220;stage 9 &#8211; whininess&#8221; and &#8220;stage 10 &#8211; inappropriate language&#8221; and I really didn&#8217;t want to &#8212;<\/p>\n<p>But wait?  What&#8217;s that up in the air?  Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  Is it <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/murman\/sets\/72157600041951808\/\"> Chopper 9?<\/a>  No &#8211; it&#8217;s REVERB!<\/p>\n<p>Reverb10 Day 13: <i>Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It&#8217;s about making ideas happen. What&#8217;s your next step?<\/i> (Author: Scott Belsky)<\/p>\n<p>My next step is to put a kettle and a teapot and some tea on my desk in my bedroom. And maybe a cookie.  Tonight I will go to bed at 8:30 and tomorrow I will get up early, sit at my desk, and write.  Or cry.  Or something. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fresco woke up at 5:30 this morning. Trombone at 5:45. We ignored them until 6:30. Stage 1 Anger: Holy shit what is WRONG with these children are they sick? Are they trying to destroy me? It&#8217;s not even six AM &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/?p=2393\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[275,119,92,455],"class_list":["post-2393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1","tag-reverb10","tag-before-i-had-children-i-had-sleep","tag-cranky-bitch","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2393"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2393\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2396,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2393\/revisions\/2396"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torturedpotato.com\/cheeseblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}