The Cheeseblog

I am back on the cheesewagon! I am whipping the pony with a cheesestring! I can hear the squelching of my tires through the cheese-like mud!

Yes, one scant year later, (can you believe it?) th’cheeseblog will once again serve to document the absence of cheese in my life. Today I visited with a naturopath and she told me to STOP IT! Stop eating cheese (and garlic, onions and mushrooms…she did have the grace to say “I don’t understand, you’re Italian,”) and waltz my way to a much more pleasant, itch-free existence.

Oh, mostly I itch. It’s what bothers me. I am red-faced and itchy all the time. My doctor said, “huh. I don’t see anything. Try hydrocortisone.” And the hydrocortisone works, a lot like a bottle of calamine lotion or wine. It makes the itching/pain stop but it doesn’t make the thing that makes the itching/pain go away and stop itching/hurting.

So my second try is the naturopath. Of course she did food sensitivity tests. And of course she pinpointed dairy and (to a lesser degree) wheat, so the woman I work with who predicted that this would happen gets, I dunno, $5? And it is with a degree of skepticism that I embark on this drastic and unconventional path. However, as evidenced by my attendance at a party with a naked dancing man the other night, I do belong to the school of Don’t Knock It Till You’ve Tried It/Had it Waved In Your Face. If I stop itching, it will be so very worth it.

Onward, Cheesoriah!

Offices are terrible places, usually, with poisonous air and people who wear poles in their posteriors because they like the support. But there is one upside to an office: cake.

Some guy at work that I don’t even know is getting married and today I got a piece of cake. What’s with that? It’s good cake, too, it’s the white cake with the fruit and the whipped cream icing and I got a really big piece because they felt guilty for not inviting me to the potluck. It’s okay! I don’t need potluck! But thanks for the cake!

William Shatner has made a new album. I trust Aimee Mann implicitly but I am still wincing as I click.

I want today to be Sweater Vest Tuesday again! I worry about being predictable but who would notice but you people and you people can’t see me because this is the internet. Oh! Another thing about the internet? It proved that god exists!

I had a dream I was looking at an apartment that was actually a department store. The rent was really cheap so the girl who was showing it to me was renting it as an apartment; she had her bed at the back of the store and the best part was the bathrooms – there were several stalls to choose from. But I decided the fluorescent lighting was too bright and also it was right next to some train tracks.

On Friday after work we rented an apartment in the west end, just like we wanted. It has leaded glass in the kitchen that I am not allowed to lick. Come November 1st (no, come, please!) we will be within walking distance of everything that matters except our parents and Costco and Ikea.

This just in, courtesy of the radio man, “Once the sun comes up we’re in for sunny skies!”

It’s not you, it’s the universe.

Every day would seem like a holiday if it had a title. Yesterday was Sweater Vest Tuesday and it was a hoot! The water balloons were a bad idea (sweater vests are often wooly and don’t dry so quick) but everybody loved the Professor Who Failed You Because you Disagreed With his Theories voodoo doll/pinata.

Today is Dumb Corporation Wednesday.

First, there is the PETA vs KFC Have I got my Head up my Butt game.

Then, check out the poem Alice Walker wrote to the CEO of KFC and write your own poem for fabulous prizes.

Stroll over to Adbusters and check out the Black Spot Sneaker, which costs the same as a pair of actual Converse sneakers but is owned by adbusters instead of Nike. The devil you know. Make sure you buy them before Nov 26 because that’s Buy Nothing Day.

I love shoes.

Maybe tomorrow will be Shoe Thursday.

And finally, an ad for the depleted uranium hummer and a dazzling array of snarky bumper stickers.

Happy Dumb Corporation Wednesday!