Five Things* I Would Do With Unlimited Money (*That I can Think of Right Now)

1. Pay my taxes so other people could have roads and whatnot. And give freely to good causes. But not the ones that sell my information to other charities, resulting in my receiving tonnes of crappy admail that I then return to sender or recycle or shred in a fit of pique. Those good causes I would purchase with my unlimited money and then hire someone with a brain to run properly.

2. I like our house a lot and I like its relatively small footprint but I would love an adventure yard full of mysterious trees and dark corners and friendly squirrels and a fence so I could open the door, say ‘go play’ and then shut the door after the children left. And they wouldn’t complain because: adventure yard!

3. Every year in October we would re-locate to a sunny, warm climate and we would stay there until cold/flu/strep throat/bronchitis/vomiting/Hand Foot Mouth/general malaise/sinusitis season is goddamn over. It would be like those books when rich people in England got consumption and went to Spain to recover. I want to lie on the beach in Spain right now. I want to eat olives and drink thick red wine and not feel like crap.

Yes, this whole “five things” is just an excuse for me to complain about how I feel like crap. I have been sick forEVER and no amount of vitamins, soup, garlic, sleep, hot water and lemon, decongestant, nasal irrigation, steaming, fruit eating or ibuprofen has yet cured me and I am MAD about it also. Very mad. Today we found out that Trombone has strep throat. My throat also hurts. I keep waking up and expecting to feel better and feeling worse in new and different ways. On Thursday morning I woke up and my scar was inflamed. I have a scar where I had a cyst removed in August and the scar wasn’t pretty to start with and now it’s glowing red for some reason. Is it a sign? A glowing red sign that is saying “figure out a way to have unlimited money so you can have all your blood replaced”? Maybe.

4. I would have all my blood replaced. Maybe annually.

5. I would buy a chip factory.

What would you do with unlimited money?

5 thoughts on “Five Things* I Would Do With Unlimited Money (*That I can Think of Right Now)

  1. Nicole Boyhouse

    Oh no! I’m sorry you feel so crappy. Strep, ugh. Well, I would say Vitamin D and Oil of Oregano but kind of feels like you’ve already done all that. So I shall say nothing and hope you get better soon. Or hope that you win unlimited funds and move someplace warm. If you do, can I come?

    1. branch Post author

      Of course you can come! WARM RECOVERY PLACES for all my friends. (and yes, I’m on the Oregano, delicious!)

  2. Hannah

    Number two, yes, how I yearn for an adventure yard. When I was growing up, our substandard house was situated on 18 acres of forested Adventure Yard and it was The Best Thing Ever. My kids have a flat, safe, fenced backyard and it bores them silly, poor things.

  3. allison

    Ugh. That draggy, never-ending sick feeling is THE WORST. I want you to go to Spain too. Although nothing will ever induce me to eat olives. Nothing. Okay, if it would make you better I would probably eat an olive. But I’d need a BUTTLOAD of that red wine to wash it down.

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