I Am A Canadian Mother

My fabulous Canadian mother-in-law sent me a present in the mail the other day. Along with a fleece camo jacket and hat for wee Trombone’s first deer hunt was enclosed a copy of The Canadian Mother’s Book, written by one Helen MacMurchy, MD (Chief of the Division of Child Welfare) and published in 1927 by the Department of Health Canada. It’s the ’20s version of “Baby’s Best Chance” (which every expectant parent who sees a health care provider in BC receives free of charge), complete with Explicit Directions on How You Might Ruin Your Baby if you Don’t Do Things Right ™. It reads like pinched lips and a deeply furrowed brow and only because I assume Dr. MacMurchy is by now quite dead do I dare giggle nervously as I peruse its pages.

This book has been written for you – a Canadian mother. The Government of Canada, knowing that the nation is made of homes, and that the homes are made by the Father and Mother, recognizes you as one of the Makers of Canada. No National Service is greater or better than the work of the Mother in her own home. The Mother is “The First Servant of the State.”

This makes me, by nature of my Job Outside The Home, a Servant of the State Twice Over. And my child was born on The State’s Birthday. MR. HARPER, SIR, WHERE ARE MY PRIZES?

First, the argument for procreation:

Children are the security of the home and the nation. When children come you know that your home will not pass away with your generation…A home without children is a sad contrast. It lacks interest, happiness, reality, stability. Its end is in sight. It has lost the greatest loveliness and usefulness of the normal home.

Then, tips for the pregnancy, including morning sickness:

Perhaps you notice on rising that you have a feeling of nausea. This is called “morning sickness.” You may never have it at all, or perhaps only once. Be sure to keep your bowels regular every day. Mind your rules to prevent constipation. Drink lots of water between meals. Take comfort and peace. Do not worry. We all worry too much.

Diet:

After the fifth month stop using salt. Put the salt-cellar at your husband’s end of the table. Don’t put any salt on your plate…for one week in the month, no salt for you if you want to be sure to keep well, and we know you do.

(We know you do. Let your husband die of hypertension. Oh but wait…)

Your husband has always been gentle and kind to you and he will be your greatest comfort. Canadian men make good husbands.

(all you Canadian men may do a quick, modest dance of joy at this news)

And cleanliness both external…

Of course you will be particular about your toilet like a good Canadian.

(And you will be able to make love in a canoe. Like a good Canadian.)

…and internal:

Either just before your bath or just after breakfast is a good time to go to the toilet. Go at the same time every day, by the clock. Many people have been cured of constipation by this rule. It is the habit that counts. Wait. You must not hurry. Take time. Do not strain.

And of course, Mother-to-be’s emotional health is not forgotten:

Did you ever see a “fussed” person driving to a railway station? She cannot let the driver do the driving. She clutches herself, clenches her hands, strains every nerve and muscle, is full of fears and worries about missing the train and everything else she can think of. So she wears herself out – all for nothing. She won’t let the driver do the driving. Save yourself all this useless, foolish loss of strength and peace. Of course nobody should worry – but you simply dare not worry. You are to be a Canadian Mother. Rest and be thankful. Go gently on your way.

This chapter ends with the section entitled Cheer Up! This goes out to all my pregnant co-Canadians:

If you ever feel sad and down-hearted, remember how our boys in the Great War fought for you and your baby, and say what they said – “Are We Down-Hearted? – No.” Take yourself for a walk. Go to see somebody you like – some nice,motherly woman. Go to see somebody who has a nice baby. Your own baby will be even nicer. And don’t be down-hearted – there is no reason you should be. Don’t be frightened. Cheer up. We are all standing by you.

So, y’all, feel free to come see my baby and think how yours will be even nicer. I won’t take offense. Because I am a Canadian Mother and I Know Better.

Next time: Chapter II: The Baby Comes.